No, I won’t do it.  No way.  Absolutely not.  It’s just not going to happen.

Yesterday my P-Doc told me that she wanted me to enter a Mental Health Residence.  No.  I won’t do it.  No way.  Absolutely not.  It’s just not going to happen. 

Her reasoning was that because she has switched up my med combos three times in the last month, and none of the cocktails are working, she wants me under 24-hour surveillance so that other mental health care providers can watch me and observe how I react to a new med combo.

 

 Med Time

Now, at first this might make sense.  The residence houses, in addition to patients, a couple of live-in psychiatrists.  Hmmm, OK, there’s definitely an environment wherein I can be observed.  However, what percentage of my perceived behavior and reaction to new meds is actually based on my reaction to a strange environment?  Strange house, strange bed, strange food, strange bathroom, and strange crazy people who are, like me, doing their own crazy jive. And, furthermore, there wouldn’t be any of the personal comforts I have to keep myself stable (or at least try to become stable).  My hobbies, my cats, my gardens, my pillow and blanket--even my chicken noodle soup and saltine crackers! 

Just the act of taking a trip and being in a strange environment is stressful enough to trigger a psychotic break.  And, I’ve been directed to have no social interactions for a while.  So how would living in a strange environment, socially interacting with strangers in a very personal situation be conducive to stabilizing me?  This, I simply can’t understand no matter how hard I try.

The bottom line is No.  I won’t do it.  No way.  Absolutely not.  It’s just not going to happen.

What's in a Word

I've always had a robust vocabulary, and have found great pride in being able to access, in a split second, the right word for any particular occasion.  But, oftentimes a psychotic break, or a new med combo, puts a damper on everything and hinders my ability to "find my words".  When this happens, though, there is still the wonderful realm of bipolar-specific vocabulary.

There are words and phrases that simply roll off of the tongues of those with bipolar, and do so without requiring much thought or effort.  We know these words, they are a regular part of our day-to-day communications.  And, with this, it's like being a member of a secret society or club, whether or not one wants to.

Here's a short list of some of those special words/phrases:

• SSRI
• Shock Waves
• Hypomania
• Mania
• Mixed Episode
• Rapid Cycling
• Situational Depression
• Depressive/Manic Predominant
• Baseline
• P-Doc
• T-Doc
• Cognitive Remediation (well, Cognitive "Anything", reallly)
• DSM
• Psychosocial Function
• Euphoria
• Lassitude
• Equilibrium
• Mood Log
• Internal Critic
• Shame
• Guilt
• Burden

And, finally, a phrase undeniably familiar to anyone with Bipolar Disorder:

• "How is your mood today?" vs. "How's your day going today?"

Do you have any bipolar-specific words, phrases, descriptors?  I invite you to share with a comment, so we can get the most from our secret-club member benefits!

Rust Never Sleeps

Take it any way you want:

"Never underestimate the power of the underdog"
Neil Young's 1979 album with Crazy Horse
The philosophy in which artistic complacency is avoided

Devo's slogan for a Rustoleum advertising campaign

Or the scientific explanation that iron exposed to oxygen will not cease to oxidize

Whatever the case, I'm back.  And I'm back in full swing.  I've been living in a mixed episode for a couple of years, and it's now come to a head.  I didn't realize it was happening, it was evolving so slowly.  So, now I'm back with a T-Doc and a P-doc after having been without for five years--since leaving Texas.  (How many things am I grateful for in that last sentence? HA!)

Has my writing style changed?  Maybe, but I'm pretty sure my sense of humor and general view on life haven't.  What?  What's that?  My general view on life?  Well, that's something I don't really have a grip on at the moment.  My friends, I'm truly lost at this point in my life.  But, I'm working my way back . . . 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YSbGXNXfVg

So, welcome me back while I embark again on the path toward balance.  I'm still rusting along, and I hope to keep on blogging and simultaneously become stable.  I have a bunch of tales, anecdotes, observations, ponderings, and findings to pass along to you.  

Let's see what happens.